


I'm doing just fine, hour to hour, note to note

by nerdbeyondlimits



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coping, Exhaustion, Going back to earth, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Kinda, M/M, Neither is Shiro, Nightmares, angsty but happy little oneshot, but lance is there to help, hope it helps, just a literal bandaid fic, keith has some serious trauma after that clone fight, keith's not having a good time, post defender of the universes, they talk under the stars, to restore my faith in life after season 6, well implied klance, well the talk about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-24 12:28:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14954712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdbeyondlimits/pseuds/nerdbeyondlimits
Summary: Takes place right after Defenders of the UniversesBasically Keith coping (or rather not) with the clon efight and all the stress he's been under, and LAnce helping him out. Features Guilty Shiro and Questioning Mum Krolia because why not.





	I'm doing just fine, hour to hour, note to note

**Author's Note:**

> So... Season 6 you guys. To be honest, I was kind of losing my hype for this show after the last two seasons, but this one had me mindblown. Like, the plot, the character arcs, the animation! And yes, I know that the show is focusing a lot more on Lance's interest for Allura rather than Keith, but hey, let me dream.  
> So here's my little contribution to fix all of our collective feels after s6
> 
> Title from Waltz#2 by Elliott Smith (great song, great artist)
> 
> (also, quick note even though I ship klance: those of you who wanted bi lance but can't handle him being interested in a girl can get out from here now thank you very much)

_They were going home._ Lance couldn't quite believe it yet. He'd dreamt about it for so long that it felt like a trick now that the dream had actually come true. _There has to be a catch,_ he kept thinking. But as far as he knew, there wasn't one. Coran had decided that they all needed some rest, and they were spending the night on the moon they had landed the lions on. But the day after that, they were off. _Off to earth,_ he thought. He couldn't stop a smile from spreading, and soon he was full-on grinning, unable to stop.

The others seemed to be in equally good mood. Hunk was telling Coran, Allura and Romelle about earth. He was ranting about all the food they had to try, about introducing them to his family and all the other things they had to do.

Pidge was rapidly typing something on a communicator, most likely passing on the happy news to Matt.

Keith was sitting by Shiro in the little grove of trees they had found and made their camp. He was stacking kindling for a fire and chatting quietly with his brother.

Keith looked worn, moving tiredly, but he was smiling. Krolia was keeping an eye on them from a distance. She seemed happy, if a bit melancholic.

Lance was torn between going over and offering to help with the fire and letting the two of them have some well-deserved time alone. But then Coran was clapping his hands, announcing that they all better get some food. Lance was swept with them into the grove, robbed of his choice.

Keith looked up when they filed into the clearing. The lions had been situated around the camp for protection, and in the shadows with his face lit from underneath by the sparking fire, he looked exhausted. Dark rings gouged the hollows of his cheeks, and the multiple wounds and scars made him look older than he really was.

Lance watched as Hunk kneeled beside him. He gently moved Keith's hands away from the fire where they were still feeding it kindle.

“Let me take care of this. You've done enough already. Have a break.”

“Have a KitKat”, Pidge chimed in from a distance.

Keith looked like he might protest, but then he glanced at Shiro and gave Hunk a small smile.

“Okay. Thanks.”

“No problem, Keith. Take a nap or something. We'll wake you when the food's done.”

Keith leaned back against the fallen tree trunk that Shiro was resting at. Lance was pretty confident he meant to stay awake and talk, but soon he was snoring softly with his head on his brother's shoulder. Shiro had looped a protective arm around his frame, holding him loosely – as if he was afraid that Keith would disappear any second. Which was ironic, since that was Shiro's move, not Keith's.

As Hunk instructed Coran to help him with the cooking (newly invented space-burgers that actually tasted all right, if a bit squishy), Pidge tried to snack on the ingredients. Hunk batting away her hands was so alike the scene up on the Garrison roof so long time ago, the night all of this had begun.

Allura was chatting with Krolia. Both of them seemed a bit tentative, but Lance sensed no resentment, only nervousness. He silently hoped the two of them would get along well. It would be a huge step for both Allura and Keith's mum.

Lance settled between Shiro and Hunk, smiling softly. You almost couldn't believe that this was the group of people who had fought in a war and suffered the casualties only vargas ago. For the first time in very long, they were allowed to just be people, not soldiers.

Lance caught a movement in the corner of his eye, and saw that Shiro had stopped staring into the fire. He was still not looking at Lance when he opened his mouth.

“Do you think he's okay? Really?” He didn't have to clarify who he was talking about. Lance looked at Keith – really looked. The things he'd noted before was still there – the exhaustion, the injuries (probably more than the ones Lance knew about), the stress.

But there was also the fact that he was allowing himself to sleep, that he felt safe enough not to answer the urge to stay alert constantly.

“I think it's impossible to be okay after what we've been through. Maybe for Keith especially.”

He though of what they'd learned, that Keith and Krolia had been caught in a place where two years had passed instead of a couple of weeks. He didn't know exactly what had gone down between Keith and clone Shiro, but he was pretty sure it was going to leave some scars emotionally. He continued.

“But I also think that it's okay not to be okay. We're going back to earth. And the war may not be over yet, but we will have time to heal. You – we, all of us – simply has to help each other put the pieces back together.” Shiro looked at him, then, with an expression that Lance couldn't quite read.

“I guess you're right.” Lance opened his mouth to answer, when Hunk waved with a fork next to him.

“Time for dinner!”

 

* * *

 

This couldn't be happening. It wasn't. _It couldn't._ And yet it was.

“Shiro! You made a promise once. You told me you'd never give up on me!” Shiro- no, whatever that _thing_ was, scoffed mockingly.

“And I should have abandoned you just like your parents did. They saw that you were broken. Worthless. I should have seen it, too”, it spat.

“I'm not leaving you.” His words were surprisingly steady, not a waver to be heard, even as he was pushing back the tears that were building up, and speaking around the lump in his throat.

This wasn't Shiro. He knew that. But at the same time... The things he spoke... Keith had seen it happen countless times in dreams. But this was real. This was happening.

“Actually”, Shiro spoke. “Neither of us are leaving.”

And then the place was falling apart, purple lasers slicing the station into neat pieces. The atmosphere was crackling with energy, sparks flying everywhere.

Shiro was shooting at him, and he was running, falling, thrown around from the shock waves. He was flying, jumping, narrowly escaping a certain doom together with the part of ship that had been sunk. He was lying on his back, chest heaving, body aching. He could see the sword, but it was too far away.

And the _thing_ was there, swinging his sword high in the sky, it's glowing blade coming down, down, and he couldn't stop it, he couldn't, couldn't, couldn't-

“ _Keith!_ ”

It wasn't the clone above him, but Hunk. Hunk, with his big, terrified eyes. Gentle Hunk, who now looked as if he'd seen a monster.

Keith became aware of everything at once. Shiro's arm that was holding him – an embrace that had escalated into an imprisonment to keep him from hurting anyone.

It was quiet in the clearing. Only the crackling from the fire and his own ragged breathing interrupted the silence. His limbs were stiff, aching worse than ever. Shiro was pressing down on several bruises and sprains, but Keith wasn't going to make him feel worse by telling him that. Instead, he sat up straighter, wincing when Hunk instinctively shied away an inch.

“Hunk... I'm so sorry.”

He didn't know exactly what had happened, but he had a pretty good guess.

“I was dreaming, I didn't... I never... I'm sorry. I didn't hurt you, did I?”

Hunk's posture was easing down now, and so was the too tight hold on his shoulders.

“No, you don't have to worry. Shiro stopped you. I shouldn't have woken you up, not like that. I should've known better.”

Keith was shaking his head, apologising quietly.

“You couldn't have known. I'm sorry.”

“It's okay, man. We're both okay, that's what matters. Now, let's have some food, don't you think?”

And now the terrified expression was completely washed away, replaced by a soft smile. Keith couldn't bring himself to smile, not after what had happened, but he gave a small nod, and that seemed to satisfy Hunk. He was glad when the others started talking again, congratulating Hunk on the food, explaining burgers to the present aliens and so on.

Shiro was still looking at him, concern lining his face. Keith avoided looking back.

“I didn't hit him or anything? I know he said I didn't, but Hunk would say anything to ease someone's mind.” Shiro put a hand on his shoulder.

“You didn't. I held you.” The other man visibly swallowed. “Were you dreaming of... Of me?”

“It wasn't you”, Keith answered harshly.

“I still feel responsible”, Shiro muttered, eyes downcast.

“Well, don't.”

Keith couldn't understand himself. Why was he snapping at his brother? Shiro had been through a lot more than he himself. Hell, he'd died but lived on in the mind of a sentient robot, with no visible hope of ever getting back to his body.

Keith's trials were nothing compared to that.

And still, he was the one that was having nightmares, that had to be stopped from accidentally injuring the people he were supposed to protect – his family.

Keith stood up abruptly, ignoring his body's loud protests.

“I'm going for a walk.” Shiro looked guilty, but didn't object. The others, however, did.

“Come on man, what about Hunk's cooking?”

“Yeah buddy, you could use some food.”

“And we should talk, catch up a bit. You have a wolf, now!” The enthusiastic voices were overwhelming, too much to sort for his brain.

“I'm sorry”, he muttered as he turned, hurrying away from them.

He felt awful, but if he'd stayed there any longer he would've either lashed out or he would've ended up spilling everything that was on his mind – and those things were too ugly for anyone to know about.

No, it was better this way.

But it was getting harder to convince himself that he was better off on his own than it had been when they first accepted the role as defender of the universe.

 

* * *

 

Lance was looking after Keith as he left, torn between thinking he was an ass and worrying about him. He would've though Shiro would go after him, but the older man was still sitting, gaze hard and unyielding to what was going on inside of his head. _Odd,_ he thought.

He managed to sit on his ass and not do anything about for almost half a varga before he couldn't hold it in anymore.

“What happened? He clearly needs you, Shiro. Remember what I said, about healing each other?”

“Keith doesn't want to see me, Lance”, Shiro said. Lance got the feeling that the venom in his voice weren't directed at Lance, but rather at Shiro himself.

“Of course he does, stupid.”

“Lance, you don't know what happened when he was on his own with that clone. Trust me, he _does not want to see me._ ”

“Fine.” Lance stood up at least as abruptly as Keith had roughly half an hour before.

“Then I'm going.”

He didn't wait to find out Shiro's answer, only left in the same direction as Keith.

 

* * *

 

He found him about ten dobashes later, perched on a cliff with his wolf sitting next to him. That thing was really huge, almost as tall Lance when it was sitting. It was growling softly, and it almost seemed as if it was talking to Keith.

Lance hadn't been noticed yet, which was unusual for Keith. Normally, he would've noticed Lance instantly, But he was without a doubt a little off his game. Lance, seeing what had happened when Hunk had caught Keith surprised and not wanting to get a punch in the mouth, cleared his throat to make his presence known.

Keith's shoulders jerked a bit, but he didn't turn around.

“I didn't leave so that you would follow me.”

“Hey, man. I think we're past this veil of hostility. I know something's wrong.” A pause.

“So what if it is?” Keith said after long. “You're not my counsellor.”

“But I am your friend.”

No objection. He took that as a win.

“Please, just... Talk to me. Or anyone. But it can't be healthy to pile up everything like that. As a matter of fact, I know it's not. So don't shut yourself in. Not after we've gotten this far.” Keith didn't answer, but at least it wasn't a no, Lance figured. He hesitated.

“Can I sit?” Keith shrugged, and Lance could actually sense the way he winced, seeing his whole body tensing up.

He shuffled forward and sat down a few feet to the left, leaving the wolf to guard Keith's right side.

“Man, apart from the psychological, you don't seem to be doing so great in the physical either. Have you gotten those injuries tended to?”

“Wasn't any time.” Keith still wasn't looking at him.

“If there isn't any time, you make some. You can't walk around all compromised. Wouldn't do any good in battle, either. Besides, we've been on this moon for several vargas. There have been plenty of time. And-”

“I didn't want Shiro to know, all right?” Keith cut him off sharply.

“...Oh”

“He already feels guilty enough. And he doesn't even know exactly what happened. He doesn't know... And I don't intend for him to find out. He is killing himself over me, blaming himself for the stuff he couldn't possibly be held responsible for, and... And I can't even look him in the eyes because I'm afraid they will be glowing and he is already beating himself up over all of this and I can't help. In fact, I'm making it worse by just being around him, reminding him. And I'm telling him it isn't his fault, but _I can't look him in the eyes._ He needs me, and I'm busy magnifying my own problems and he's had it so much worse than me but I can't bring myself to look at him. Why can't I? Why can't I fucking _look at my own brother_?”

Keith's mouth snapped shut, and Lance could tell he was fighting tears.

“I'm sorry”, he muttered. “You didn't need to hear that.”

“Yes, I did. And more importantly, you needed to say it.” He scooted a bit closer.

“Can I... Can I ask you about what happened with the clone? I won't tell Shiro, I promise.”

“You wouldn't need to tell him. He'd know by just seeing how you'd look at him.”

“Well, maybe he needs to know.”

“Trust me, he doesn't.”

“Well, you clearly need to talk about it. And I don't care what Shiro needs and doesn't need right now, because he isn't the one that is torturing himself – both physically and mentally.”

He heard Keith draw a deep sigh, as of letting out all the steam.

“I hate you, you know. “ But there was no real bite behind the words, just tiredness, and Lance knew he had won this battle. Keith continued.

“As you know, I followed Lotor and his generals through the wormhole. Things happened, but it ended with Shiro in an escape pod and me following him. This was all part of Haggar's plan, by the way. Shiro – or that thing – were only acting on her commands. Anyway, I followed him to this sort of dead-looking moon. There was a galra base inside of it. Or rather a hangar, a huge ship ready to launch if needed. But the whole place... It was filled with pods. Pods with clones inside them.”

Lance drew in a sharp breath.

“He surprised me from behind. You have seen Shiro fight in the training room. You know how he fights. And he was intending to kill. I was barely hanging on. He- he told me he should've abandoned him like my parents did. That I was worthless. That kind of stuff.”

Keith's breath wavered a bit.

“Oh, Keith. That's awful.” Keith shrugged, but it wouldn't have fooled anyone.

“Doesn't matter now. Anyway. I was on the ground. He... he was going to kill me. He raised his sword, told me to give up already. Said I didn't have to fight it anymore. I... I sliced his galra arm right off. It was the only thing I could think off that wouldn't physically hurt him, in case... in case he was still in there, somewhere. By this point, the place was collapsing. The platform we'd stood upon was torn from its place, until it was hanging vertically from a couple of wires. Shiro was practically unconscious, and I... I couldn't just let him go. So I hung on to my knife which was plunged into the metal and held onto Shiro with my other. It was like some goddamn Lion King reenactment.”

He was joking, but his voice was unsteady and Lance noticed a slight tremble in his hands.

“I tried to haul us up but it was to heavy and the knife couldn't carry our weight. I thought about how Shiro used to tell me that he wouldn't give up on me. But what mattered, what was really important, was that I couldn't give up on myself. And I... I let go. The last thing I can remember is hurtling through space as we were surrounded by a blinding white light. Next thing I knew I was in the black lion's mindscape. He was there. The real Shiro. He told me about everything. That ever since his fight with Zarkon, he'd existed on another realm. That technically, he died.”

Keith's breath hitched, and his hands curled into fists in his lap. His lips were a thin white line in his face. His breathing was irregular and panicked, and Lance slowly moved closer, not wanting to prompt another lash-out. But Keith didn't seem prone to one of those. Rather the opposite, actually.

He was curling in on himself, as if he was trying to shield his very being from the outside world.

It was heart-wrenching to see the usually confident and strong-willed paladin this... this crushed.

He lifted an arm and put it around Keith's shoulders, drawing him close.

“Is this okay?” he whispered. Keith didn't answer, but he did lean in to the touch, and Lance could hear muffled crying.

He only held his friend closer. Keith was shaking, both with sobs and traumatic memories, and Lance felt that he was the only thing that was physically holding the pieces of this fragile being in his arms together. And if had to take him to hold Keith together until he could on his own, Lance would do just that.

“You'll be okay. We will all be. It might take a while, but we will be. You'll be okay.”

 

*

 

Krolia didn't know what do to. Her son was clearly in shambles, barely keeping himself together.

The man he considered his brother, Shiro, didn't seem to know what do either. Despite all the times Keith had told her about, when the man in front of her had served as Keith's only support, always knowing what to say or do, he seemed to be at a loss for the moment.

Ever since Keith had left their camp roughly a varga ago he had been staring into the fire, lost in thoughts, as if seeking answers in the flames.

Krolia wanted to do something. She wanted to do something so badly she ached. But in spite of the two years she and Keith had spent together during their mission, she didn't know if this was her place.

Her and Keith's relationship was still uncovered land, no maps to counsel or compasses to use. She was only beginning to recognise the hills and forests and rivers of this new place, and she still had so much to learn.

And in all honesty, she feared she would worsen things if she interfered.

The other boy, Lance, had left after awhile, and that had eased her worry for the moment.

But she still couldn't rid the feeling that this was her task, too. She _shouldn't_ be able to rid herself of the feeling. Keith was her son. She was supposed to, wanted to, needed to make sure he was okay.

And so after waiting for almost a varga and a half, she finally stood up.

“Thank you for the dinner, Hunk. It was very good.”

“Thanks, Keith's mum. Krolia. Whatever you want to be called.” The yellow paladin was very sweet if a bit nervous from time to time. Krolia tried a small smile, and she must have done something right, because Hunk beamed right back at her.

Both Keith and Lance had left in the same direction, and Krolia, naturally, followed in their footsteps.

The darkness had taken hold now, and the moon was swept inside of a blanket weaved of stars and satiny void.

There was enough light from the stars for her to see where she was going, but it still took her awhile to discover the boys, even though they were in her field of view for quite some time. Three silhouettes were sat up on a high cliff. One of them, the wolf, was a bit to the right on his own.

She couldn't tell which of the others were her son as the two of them were entangled in what looked like a fierce embrace. She frowned slightly. Keith, as far as she'd known, had never expressed a wish for physical contact. It stung a bit as she realised that maybe he just had not wanted it from her.

But the hurt was soon blotted out by a wave of happiness as she got closer. She could hear the boys talking softly in the night.

Though she knew it was wrong to listen, she couldn't quite bear to leave hear son's well-being entirely in the hands of a practical stranger to her. So she got a bit closer, listening in to the conversation.

“What did you miss the most from earth?”

“...Sour patch kids.”

“You've got to be joking.”

“What? They are delicious.”

“Okay, tell you what. The first thing we're doing back on earth is buy a mega size pack of sour patch kids. And then we'll go to Varadero beach. You'll meet my family. We can go back to your shack, since you love it so much, and we'll look up on the stars from the desert and remember everything we did. All the good things that happened. And then we'll go on and keep on making new memories together. Sound good?”

“Sounds perfect.”

Krolia might have imagined it, but it sure looked like Keith was leaning further against Lance as he answered, and Lance resting his chin atop her son's head.

She smiled softly, not having to force the expression on her features this time. With the smile still lingering on her lips she turned back down the hill. She wasn't needed here for the moment.

Her son was in good hands.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that was pretty short but thanks for reading. Leave a kudos or comment to nurture my soul. (Honestly, i care way too much about your approval)


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